VOLDEMORT OF THE VALLEY

    underBlog

    EPISODE 14:

    “Making Up Is Hard To Do”

    AWARDS:

    +5 BEST LINE:

    • Brittany: “I cannot let Cruz be anything like you, and you should feel the same way.”

    +5 MOST UNHINGED:

    • Janet and Jason double award: He never said “fuck” in front of Janet before getting this dumb tattoo??? What?!

    +5 TOOK MOST SHIT:

    • Janet: She’s annoying… but she is also being bullied.

    +5 MVP, FOR DOING THE MOST:

    • Brittany. For standing up to a narcissists!! Not easy!!

    +5 LVP, FOR DOING THE LEAST:

    • Zack. He literally got 0 points.

    THOUGHTS:

    The penultimate episode has arrived; thank god this shit show is nearly over.

    She-who-must-not-be-named is continuing to send shockwaves through The Valley. As many of you are aware, Janet has become a hotly debated topic in our League group chats. She once again nabbed the TOOK MOST SHIT Award, since no one likes her, but it is this scorekeeper’s opinion that she is being hardcore bullied by Kristen and Zack. Does Janet suck? Without question. But can two things be true at once? Yes. I watch these shows twice, scoring their every word, and the thing I’ve noticed the most is that Jasmine never misses an opportunity to bring up Danny’s behavior. Does she have the right to do that? Sure. But she has accepted his apology and accountability, not once but twice. AND YET, she has shaded him for it multiple times since – as recently as the engagement dinner in Hawaii. Now, the argument has been made that Janet should not be butting into other people’s drama. Agreed! She “shouldn’t”. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: what Danny was accused of, admitted to and apologized for is legally defined as sexual assault. Unfortunately, when you accuse someone for actions that constitute a real crime, you no longer get the right to “define it as you want”. If someone punches you in the face, you don’t get to say “well, I don’t want to call it assault”. If someone steals from you, you don’t get to say “well, I don’t want to call it theft”. Too bad. When you share their criminal actions with your friends, you don’t get the right to decide how it is legally defined or how they should feel around that person going forward. Especially when he has been physically removed from your friend’s bar for unrelated drunken behavior. Total speculation but I would bet $1 million that Jasmine has referred to / discussed his actions as SA off-camera with her friends. Regardless, it’s clear that Brittany, Janet and Jason aren’t willing to change their position of being uncomfortable around Danny’s drinking — and honestly, rightfully so. IMHO, after watching her like a hawk, Jasmine shifts her position on Danny to both stay in Kristen’s good graces (which cements her on a show she barely contributes to otherwise), and potentially secures her bag in that sweet real estate commission (points for showing a house and “performing” her job on camera).

    Back to Janet, I was very excited to award both her and Jason negative points for those terrible tattoos. What a great way to keep that rumor alive in their hearts and minds forever. Luckily for these two, their bizarre admission that Jason has never said the word “fuck” in front of Janet earned them both this week’s MOST UNHINGED.

    Although Nia nicknaming Janet “Voldemort of The Valley” was up for BEST LINE, the award goes to Brittany for that incredible mic drop to Jax: “I cannot let Cruz be anything like you, and you should feel the same way.” BOOM. That is how you handle a malignant narcissist. Jax was our top point earner, but Brittany’s handling of him got her this week’s MVP.

    HUGE CONGRATS TO OUR FINALISTS!!!! See you all at the finale party at Jax Studio City this coming Tuesday!

    NOTES:

    A Note on James Mae Photoshoot: Kristen is awarded +5 for the photoshoot but no extra points for anyone wearing her merch in the scene, since that is the point of the photoshoot.