SCROTOXIC BEHAVIOR

    underBlog

    EPISODE 9:

    “When One Door Forecloses”

    AWARDS:

    +5 BEST LINE:

    • Zack: “Scheana’s like Kevin Bacon – it’s always one degree of Scheana Shay.”

    +5 MOST UNHINGED:

    • Jax. For how he’s operating finances — like, selling Brittany’s Jenny Craig bags on eBay for $30, OR being $1.2 million fucking dollars in tax debt. Yikes!

    +5 TOOK MOST SHIT:

    • Jax. From renaming his bar, to Britt’s legal scene, to getting his shit thrown into garbage bags — with shoe pairs separated.

    +5 MVP, FOR DOING THE MOST:

    • Zack! Stoking rumors of Jenna/Aaron, hosting “Britt’s” party, packing Jax’s shit, and getting “scrotox” on camera.

    +5 LVP, FOR DOING THE LEAST:

    • Jesse. All he really did was passively stand up for Jax.

    THOUGHTS:

    I wish all of you could have seen the look on my husband’s face watching Zack get Botox injected into his ballsack. I will forever remember it and wish I could take it out of my memory bank and show all of you. This wildly unhinged behavior earned him a full +10 STYLE points and nabbed him a nom for MOST UNHINGED… which he would have won if it had not been for Jax. We found out that not only does he owe $1.2 million in back taxes, but he’s also stealing and selling Brittany’s Jenny Craig bags on eBay for $30. There’s also the revelation that he manipulated the front desk girl at rehab to lie for him about going to the ER, only to be exposed by his therapist. So, take your unhinged pick! He wins. He also wins for TOOK MOST SHIT due to both that bar rename AND all his shit getting thrown into a couple dozen garbage bags… shoe pairs separated (Doute points!). But don’t worry… those are pretty much the only points he earned. Jax was in the red yet again this week with a total of -14 points, including -8 for divorce and -8 for accused crime of stalking. Yikes! Brittany also suffered a -8 point loss for divorce, but balanced it out with +8 in SCANDAL when filing for divorce as a preemptive, legal measure. The only solace I take in this entire situation is Brittany’s willingness to share her journey with abuse in the hopes that other women watching will find the courage to walk away as well. Our brave Kentucky Muffin nabbed multiple points in SCANDAL on the way out of that lawyer’s door.

    Shifting gears, both The Mastermind Kristen and Luke scored big STYLE points this week with that housewarming party. Note for future seasons, everyone: housewarming parties = presents and drinks = points, points, points! Like, Luke did basically nothing else and still finished middle pack in overall scoring. Janet, Jason and Jasmine earned big in SCANDAL for those apologies at El Compadre, with Jasmine losing points to the editor shade proving she’s a liar-face. Janet earned herself a MOST UNHINGED nom with that whole “looked up the definition of Karen” bit as if she had never heard of “Karen’s” before, and Jasmine earned a BEST LINE nom for “I think we all have a little Karen in us.” But it was Zack that took home the BEST LINE (good as) gold with: “Scheana’s like Kevin Bacon — it’s always one degree of Scheana Shay.“ Facts. Zack also got MVP this week for doing the literal most from scrotox, spreading rumors, packing for Brittany and hosting a huge party at “Britt’s”.

    That “Britt’s” party really laid the scene for a couple more major moments, including the return of “Darkside Danny“! Danny and Nia found themselves in the middle of SCANDAL once again, getting into yet another argument with Janet and Jason, AND EACH OTHER, complete with a dramatic exit (points!). Lastly, I really do feel for Michelle. With Jesse under Kristen’s wing, there’s a 0% chance anyone will be the friend she truly deserves at this moment of her life. Except Lala, that is. Lala seems to be the only one willing to stand up to Jesse. Saying that, Lala only earned 3 points for crying. Scheana on the other hand scored 12 points, including +2 for the salmon sperm facial. Had teams with Jax just swapped for either of these VPR icons, they would have ended this week net positive! It really does seem like next week he’ll be back (ugh)… but the question is, will he be earning points or losing them? Is his abuse and toxic behavior beyond the pale? I think so! Godspeed to all teams forced to make this decision and better luck next week!

    NOTES:

    None.