MOOSE-KNUCKLE SICKNESS

    underBlog

    EPISODE 13:

    “The Cruise From Hell”

    AWARDS:

    +5 BEST LINE:

    • Kristen: “You’re a fucking fan, bitch.”

    +5 MOST UNHINGED:

    • Luke. That boat outfit.

    +5 TOOK MOST SHIT:

    • Danny. He has apologized and taken accountability, but can’t seem to escape his actions. Not to mention, it seems as though most of the group doesn’t like him or Nia… and if it weren’t for Kristen protecting them, I think they’d be done for.

    +5 MVP, FOR DOING THE MOST:

    • Kristen. This is Doute at her max potential!

    +5 LVP, FOR DOING THE LEAST:

    • Jesse. Toss up between Jesse and Jasmine, but Jasmine’s experience with Danny is the basis of this entire argument.

    THOUGHTS:

    My oh my. Here I was celebrating that I had just one week of scoring left… only to be hit with the fact there are actually 15 fucking episodes. NEW semi-finalists have been posted… and there were a couple MAJOR shakeups in the standings!

    There’s a lot to unpack, so let’s work backwards. The LVP Award almost went to Jasmine for contributing nothing to this week’s episode (yet again). But since the entire cruise from hell is due to her original SA allegations, the award reverts to Jesse – even though Nia, Jax, Luke and Danny all earned fewer points. I want to give Jesse credit where credit is due, because at least his shade is funny; Jasmine’s shade is simply mean. It is this scorekeeper’s opinion that Jasmine actually hates Danny and Nia, as she never misses an opportunity to reference his alleged drinking problem and therefore the SA she experienced as a result. And let’s be very clear: what Danny admitted to and apologized for is 100% legally defined as sexual assault. Although this was the first time SA was used to define his actions (and lost him -8 for being accused of an actual crime), Janet was not incorrect to name it as such (although she also lost -8 for being accused of another actual crime: slander). And while Jasmine has hesitated to blatantly use that factual but harsh terminology, she has not shied away from talking about it at length with Janet, Jason and Brittany, who seem protective / triggered / ??? in defense of her / other women in Danny’s sphere.

    The question is… should Janet be fighting Jasmine’s battle? IMHO: no. I certainly wouldn’t. But, in this post-#metoo era, absolutely no one should be surprised by the shockwaves SA creates. If not for Kristen’s protection, Danny and Nia would be long gone from The Valley. Luckily for them, Jasmine’s long friendship with Zack and her ultimate desire to be accepted by Kristen, keeps them safe from Janet and her multilayered motivations to hold Danny accountable.

    As I’ve written before, this all comes down to “The Battle for Brittany”: Zack and Kristen vs. Jared and Janet, where both teams are using this situation with Danny and Nia to win over Brittany. For her part, Brittany shared that not only has Danny has been kicked out of Jax’s Studio City, she’s also jealous of Nia for swooping her potential role in Kristen’s engagement. Brittany has also been very vocal that she feels Danny and Nia hide their truth from cameras. While Zack and Kristen certainly have longevity on their side, Jared and Janet share Brittany’s concerns and frustrations.

    All this to say… no wonder that cruise was a shitshow. While only Kristen, Janet and Zack received double points for screaming, everyone outside of Brittany, Jesse and Jasmine earned points for being dragged into that fight.

    Okay… FOR REAL THIS TIME… semi-finals start next week!!

    NOTES:

    A Note on Drinks: For these last two episodes, players will only be awarded drink points if they are actually drinking on screen. Holding drinks or ordering drinks no longer earn points.