MAMA BEAR COMIN’ OUT TO PLAY

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    EPISODE 7:

    “Ring Around the Rumor”

    AWARDS:

    +5 BEST LINE:

    • Jesse: “Calling Michelle a lying, cheating, whore is a moment of weakness. The truth is, she’s a liar and a cheater, but she doesn’t deserve to be called a whore.”

    +5 MOST UNHINGED:

    • Jax. For renting an apartment next to Tom Schwartz while he has an unpaid mortgage and back taxes, nor discussing any of this with Brittany… the mother of his child.

    +5 TOOK MOST SHIT:

    • Danny. Absolutely no one wants to hear about Danny drinking tequila in the pantry, ever again.

    +5 MVP, FOR DOING THE MOST:

    • Doute. FAFO!

    +5 LVP, FOR DOING THE LEAST:

    • Scheana. Doing nothing but standing in that shot with Lala and Jesse. Incredible.

    THOUGHTS:

    Although Jasmine got points for picking Zack up from LAX, it offset the point loss she suffered for faking her acceptance of Danny’s apology. She, Melissa and Danny all got apology points all over again, but the only person benefitting point-wise in all of this, is Danny. And judging by social media, both Danny and Nia have become beloved by fans. Danny was able to model what many a man should be doing on Bravo, and Nia’s story is not only heartbreaking, but inspiring too. Basically, this did not go how Jasmine planned. To make matters worse for her, an old rumor (points!) she told Kristen about Jason has been thrust into the spotlight to punish Janet (points!) for her equally crappy behavior. I wonder how many people laughed out loud when Janet served that weak shade to Kristen, “She might think she’s Detective Doute, but I’m 10 steps ahead of her, always.” Kay! Good luck with that. Doute is the O.G. This is her ART. We know that friend date with Jesse, Luke and Kristen (points!) at &Waffles was a front for getting this rumor about Jason started (points!). Hello! Fuck around and find out. “Mama Bear is comin’ out to play!” AND WE LOVE IT.

    Brittany’s ability to continue hosting parties, in the midst of having an actual drug addict bipolar narcissist husband who is ruining her financial future and emotionally abusing her on the regular, is IMPRESSIVE. I would not be throwing parties (points, though!). It was not a dress code theme party so outfits were not ranked as such, but Zack did get extra points for dressing as a shark with abs. He would have won Most Unhinged for always spray painting abs onto his costumes, but nothing could take out Jax and his shenanigans… and, he wasn’t even really on the episode. Again. Sorry teams with Jax. We actually saw ONE TEAM with Jax defeat a pretty serious matchup in just their 2nd win of the season. Congrats team “Kentucky Muffins”! I’m so happy for you!

    NOTES:

    A NOTE ON ZACK: Zack already got the relationship points a few episodes back after his phone call with Benji.