+20 extra bonus points are awarded each week on the pod!
+5 Stassi Award, Best Line:
Schwartz & Sandoval split +3 each: Sandoval:“I’m being treated like I’m fuckin’ Scott Peterson and it will fucking linger with me like fuckin’ Scott Peterson”Schwartz:“You’re not Scott Peterson… didn’t he murder his wife?!”Sandoval:“Allegedly”
+5 Kristen Award, Most Unhinged Behavior:
Schwartz: for thinking it was a wise idea to ask Jax Taylor to give anyone advice
+5 Laura Leigh Award, Took the Most Shit:
Sandoval: for not just taking a barrage of shit from Jax, but also Scheana, Katie, Schwartz, the whole fucking world, etc.
+5 Vail Award, Best Background Acting:
Mya the dog: for holding Scheana’s hand while she talked to Ariana about DWTS
Notes:
Weekly redraft for The #1 League in the Group: Redraft order will now be ordered last place to first place in OVERALL SCORING. In the event of a TIE, positioning will default to EPISODE SCORING:
Jax Taylor’s 4th Nose Job, 271
COS👏MO👏POLI👏TANS!, 334
The Least Extras, 335
Mercury in Gatorade, 353
C.U.Next.Tournament, 401
Raqueltoni al Segretto, 406
The Pasta, 417 (24 in episode)
Sexy Unique Teamname, 417 (66 in episode)
Points & Leagues:
The highly anticipated return of Jax Taylor far surpassed all expectations. With only one scene in the episode, the original #1 guy in the group walked in locked and fucking loaded, earning multiple bonuses for delivering hilarious / vicious shade directly to Sandoval’s face. In case you haven’t heard, we actually caught up with Jax in person at his bar in Studio City earlier this week where he told us he’ll be appearing on “every episode of VPR left in the season”. In the event this isn’t a lie, RIP to literally everyone else. In 2nd place, trailing by a full 26 points, is emo princess Katie Maloney, who also pulled no punches when confronted with Scott Peterson Tom Sandoval. Fielding apology scenes with both Tom and Lala, Katie racked up major points in both POWER and SCANDAL. Coming in 3rd this week is the FRIEND category, who were heavily featured at the sexy singles pool party, and nearly nabbed 2nd had it not been for always losing points when being nice to Sandoval. Speaking of that pool party, let it be known that we almost gave Sandy the weekly Kristen Award for that wildly unhinged monologue about crushing potato chips under the door to feed his roommate / ex-girlfriend, but truthfully… nothing is crazier than Schwartz thinking it was a good idea to get Jax to give advice to literally anyone. Schwartz also shared the weekly Stassi Award with Sandoval for their unforgettable exchange about Scott Peterson, which raised his rank to 4th. Sandoval himself barely made it out of this episode’s scoring alive, with a mere 11 points. Still, it’s more than D.J. James Kennedy, who has been severely sidelined these last few weeks, sitting in last place out of the main cast — but, there’s still hope! DJJK is still 2nd in overall scoring, only recently dethroned by Queen Ariana. Will our favorite Sagittarius Rising (sorry Jo) make a comeback? And will last place overall, Tom Sandoval, shake these alleged murderer vibes?! Only time will tell.
League 1“Number One League in the Group”:
Last week, we shook this shit up like a $17 Pumptini, forcing a redraft of everyone’s 3rd roster slot. Points earned from these choices varied from 20 (Paid Friends) to 0 (Dan, Lance Bass). I want to note that Paid Friends were the literal last choice out of everyone, becoming the sleeper that shot Sexy Unique Teamname to 3rd place this episode, with a total of 66 points! Also with 66 points was JUST Jax Taylor, who belongs to Mercury in Gatorade — and although many of their points were neutralized by having both Jax and Sandoval, they still managed to win the week! Honorable mention goes to C.U.Next.Tournament sitting in 4th this week, gaining 17 points with Pets. Goes to show how important these 3rd roster choices are. I can’t wait to see what everyone drops/picks going into week 9!
League 2 “Graham’s Next Daddies”:
FINALLY! Someone wins the episode that isn’t Worms with Mustaches. The Schwartz / Katie combo on Pumptini! has paid off, as they lead the week by nearly 80 points! Although Worms is still in first overall (almost breaking 1000!), I have high hopes Pumptini! can make a comeback with point machine Jax fucking Taylor. Acid Dildo‘s path to victory relies on the star power of Scheana Shay and sheer energy of DJ James Kennedy, while The Dead James Kennedy’s simply need Sandoval to be forgiven by anyone. Based on the karaoke we saw at Jax’s Studio City this week, however, that just might be in the cards!
League 3 “Gamers Who Bravo”:
As I expected from the start, The Pill Poppers are now leading both weekly and overall scoring, leaving The James Kennedy Experiment in the dust this episode by a full 100 points! But don’t lose hope yet — TJKE’s roster features Dan, who has yet to have his big moment on the show. Nearly tied for last this week are G.O.A.T. Cheese Balls and The Golden Nugget?? who are both barely staying afloat! Will The Nugs be able to activate their girl power roster in time to rise in the ranks??! Will G.O.A.T. get those sweet forgiveness points for Sandoval and maybe even a cameo from Lance?? Fingers crossed!
Style: cute button down dress shirt for lunch with Lala
2
POW
Power Move: orders sparkling water to butter up Lala
9
SCA
Apology given and received with Lala, +1 add’l sorry
-2
POW
Shaded by Jo “Shes being a jealous ex”
1
STY
Style: Belmont, black button up with red flower
4
POW
Shades Jo “Where do I start? I mean… Kristen Doute was her best friend”
5
SCA
Proves with reciepts: weird text message from Jo “Beiber loves you / I love you”
2
POW
Shades Jo “the girl just moves in really sketchy ways”
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel in kitchen with Sandoval
3
POW
Invited to game night
2
POW
Shades Sandoval: “it’s amazing how Ariana leaves a room, it just gets cold and dark, i can’t really breath”
5
SCA
Apology from Sandoval for his behavior during divorce
2
POW
Power Move: Katie declines apology and shades him instead
2
POW
Shades Sandoval with eyeroll in confessional re: apology
-2
POW
Shaded by Sandoval for her usage of “fathomless”
2
POW
Shades Sandoval “i walked away from a 12 year marriage when i still like, loved the person because i wanted to be happy, i didn’t start fucking his friend”
2
POW
Full name by Sandoval in confessional
2
POW
Shades Jo: the shade that keeps on giving “anorexic crackhead whore”
+3 Stassi Award, split with Schwartz: Sandoval:“I’m being treated like I’m fuckin‘ Scott Peterson and it will fucking linger with like fuckin’ Scott Peterson”Schwartz:“You’re not Scott Peterson… didn’t he murder his wife?!”Sandoval:“Allegedly”
+5 Laura-Leigh Award: for taking a barrage of shit from Jax, Scheana, Katie, Schwartz, the whole fucking world, etc.
1
POW
Promo biz: Jo wears TomTom hat
3
POW
Promos biz: wears TomTom hat
-2
POW
Shaded by Ariana: “super kewl pool partyy”
1
POW
Promo biz: Jason wears TomTom hat
2
POW
Power Move: throws pool party at house with Ariana
-2
POW
Shaded by Schwartz: “I’m proud Tom is putting himself out there, but maybe don’t do it under the same roof as the girl that you cheated on…?”
-1
STY
Style: painted white toenails
-2
POW
Shaded by Schwartz pool party “feels weird in there”
Shaded by Ariana “I love Ann, but she has a really shitty boss”
2
STY
Works out on treadmill
-2
POW
Shaded by editors “I’m not leaving a mess ever” cut to giant mess for Ann to clean up
-2
POW
Shaded by Ariana “This is what i came down to after the sexy singles pool party”
-2
POW
Shaded by Ariana again with “sexy singles pool party”
2
POW
Full name by Ariana in confessional
1
POW
Promo biz: Schwartz wears TomTom hat at Belmont
-2
POW
Power Move: Ariana shows up to reclaim friends
-2
STY
Talks about taking a shit on camera at Belmont x2
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel in kitchen with Katie
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel at Belmont
1
SCA
Gaslighting “raquel abandoned me” narrative
2
POW
Full name by Scheana in confessional
1
SCA
Gaslighting: Claims he IS taking accountability, but he’s being made a scapegoat
5
POW
Early exit over drama (2), storms out (3) Belmont
2
STY
Working out hardcore on treadmill with arm weights
-2
POW
Shaded by Katie: “it’s amazing how Ariana leaves a room, it just gets cold and dark, i can’t really breath”
3
SCA
Apologizes to Katie for his behavior during divorce
-2
POW
Shaded by Katie with eyeroll in confesh re: apology
2
POW
Shades Katie’s usage of “fathomless”
-2
POW
Shaded by Katie “i walked away from a 12 year marriage when i still like, loved the person because i wanted to be happy, i didn’t start fucking his friend”
1
STY
Journaling
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel while journaling
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel in confessional
1
POW
Promo biz: Schwartz wears TomTom hat while seeing Sandy’s journal
1
SCA
Gaslighting in confessional “me journaling, not drinking was a way for me to connect with her, in a way because she wasn’t able to drink” LIES
1
SCA
Gaslighting Schwartz by showing him pix of Raquel in a ziploc as if he is so distraught over her abandoning him GIVE ME A BREAKKKKKKK
1
SCA
Gaslighting in confessional, again “there’s a thought that maybe when she gets out we can both be in a healthy place to each other again and connect”…
-3
STY
Fake cries in confessional
-3
STY
Fake cries in closet while Schwartz sits and watches
1
SCA
Gaslighting thru fake tears: “i’m sorry dude, I just look at those pictures and i’m like … that will never happen again” – what – true love?! this fuckin guy
-3
STY
Learns wrong thing and compares himself to “alledged” murderer Scott Peterson lmao
1
STY
Style: cool striped shirt in closet
-1
STY
Style: bad gucci belt
-1
STY
Style: touches up his makeup after fake crying
-2
POW
Shaded by Lala “wait is he here?! I knew the energy was off from the moment I walked in”
4
POW
At TomTom
3
SCA
Supported by guys night dinner: james, brock, schwartz
1
STY
Style: zig zag black and white shirt
1
SCA
Gaslighting: “Jo and Rachel happen to be the only two girls you’ve hooked up with and Katie has a problem with them, like come on” attempting to Katie and shoehorn Raquel in as innocent
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel at guys night dinner
-4
POW
Shaded by Jax “no offense but you guys are the last guys I would ask for restaurant advice” x2 extra funny
2
POW
Shades Jax “Nothing brings Jax more joy than celebrating people’s failures and misery”
-4
POW
Shaded by Jax “You look a lot better because I’m not gonna lie I saw a picture of you on social media a couple weeks ago and i’m like holy fuck this guy looks like he’s 50 years old” x2 extra viciouis
-4
POW
Shaded by Jax “minus the white nail polish, we gotta get rid of that” x2 SO GOOD
2
POW
Shades Jax “I know… you can’t shut up about it”
-2
POW
Shaded by Jax on podcast clip: “it’s just so bizarre! and it just brings me back to the lack of empathy, the tone deafness, the selfishness – like… are you mad?!”
6
SCA
Heated moment with Jax at guys dinner (3), fingers pointed (3)
-4
POW
Shaded by Jax “The whole world has talked about you THE WHOLE. ENTIRE. WORLD.” … lol dead x2 hilarious
-2
POW
Shaded by Jax “you’re me 7 years ago, humble yourself” lol ok
+3 Stassi Award, split with Sandoval: Sandoval:“I’m being treated like I’m fuckin‘ Scott Peterson and it will fucking linger with like fuckin’ Scott Peterson”Schwartz:“You’re not Scott Peterson… didn’t he murder his wife?!”Sandoval:“Allegedly”
+5 Kristen Award: for thinking it was a wise idea to ask Jax to give advice to literally anyone
+3 Bonus, Style Category Leader
4
STY
Face mask (2) teeth whitening (2)
-2
POW
Shaded by editors: shot of pink and blue robes (she lives there)
1
POW
Promo biz: Jo wears TomTom hat
1
POW
Promo biz: Sandoval wears TomTom hat
1
POW
Promo biz: Jason wears TomTom hat
2
POW
Shades Sandoval: “I’m proud Tom is putting himself out there, but maybe don’t do it under the same roof as the girl you cheated on”
2
POW
Early exit – Sandoval invited romantic interests to pool party and Schwartz doesn’t want to be associated
2
POW
Shades Sandoval’s pool party “feels weird in there”
3
STY
Date with Jo on DTLA Swans
2
POW
Full name by Jo in confessional
3
POW
Promo biz: wears TomTom hat at Belmont
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel at Belmont
-2
POW
Shaded by Brock for her drawing “is that a portrait?”
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel while seeing Sandoval’s journal
3
POW
Promo biz: Wears TomTom hat while seeing Sandy’s journal
1
STY
Style: black patterned shirt in confessional
2
POW
Power Move: invites Jax to dinner with Sandoval
4
POW
At TomTom
1
STY
Style: cream button down
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel at guys night dinner
-4
POW
Shaded by Jax “no offense but you guys are the last guys I would ask for restaurant advice” x2 extra funny
Shades Tom and Tom “no offense but you guys are the last guys I would ask for restaurant advice” x2 extra funny
3
POW
Appears in flashbacks with Sandoval x3
-2
POW
Shaded by Sandoval “Nothing brings Jax more joy than celebrating people’s failures and misery”
4
POW
Shades Sandoval “You look a lot better because I’m not gonna lie I saw a picture of you on social media a couple weeks ago and i’m like holy fuck this guy looks like he’s 50 years old” x2 extra vicious
4
POW
Shades Sandoval “minus the white nail polish, we gotta get rid of that” x2 SO GOOD
-2
POW
Shaded by Sandoval “I know, you can’t shut up abt it”
1
POW
Appears in key art for podcast clip
1
POW
Promo biz by editors: Podcast When Reality Hits clip
2
POW
Shades Sandoval on podcast clip: “it’s just so bizarre! and it just brings me back to the lack of empathy, the tone deafness, the selfishness – like… are you mad?!”
3
SCA
Heated moment with Sandoval at guys dinner
4
POW
Shades Sandoval “The whole world has talked about you THE WHOLE. ENTIRE. WORLD.” … lol dead x2 hilarious
2
POW
Shades Sandoval “you’re me 7 years ago, humble yourself” lol ok
1
SCA
Gaslighting “at least when I did it I owned my shit” uhhh lol k
2
POW
Shades Sandoval “you’re a disgrace”, vicious
1
POW
Appears in flashback with Tom Tom & I tattoo
1
STY
Style: black blazer in confessional with white T-shirt
3
STY
Drinks x3
1
POW
Appears in flashback telling LVP this was his show
2
POW
Full name in Chicago Tribune clipping
1
POW
Appears in flashback photo with Brittney and Cruz ultrasound
8
POW
New show The Valley introduction
-4
POW
Shaded by editors “i have zero interest in staying out past 10 o’clock. A switch just went off” cut to “I really wanna stay, I wanna do shots, I wanna drink with Schwartz until 2 in the morning and get fucked up” x2 aint no shade like an editor shade