+20 extra bonus points are awarded each week on the pod!
+5 Stassi Award, Best Line:
Schwartz / Sandoval split, +3 each: “It’s a nice, respectable house – I already have a soda gun, beer taps, everything!” / “You have a soda gun?!?” / “YES!”
+5 Kristen Award, Most Unhinged Behavior:
Brittany (Former Cast) / Jax split, +3 each: “officially trying” for another child
+5 Laura Leigh Award, Took the Most Shit:
Scheana. Two fights. Cried a lot.
+5 Vail Award, Best Background Acting:
Kyle Chan for pretty much just standing there during the Scheana / Sandoval fight – saying nothing, just drinking. Front row seats.
+5 MVP, For Doing the Most:
Jax Taylor. No one stirs the shit more.
Notes:
No pod this week!: Sorry, friends! The universe intervened this past week and we had to take a little break while things recover. We’ll be back, soon!! The weekly bonus awards were voted on in our Instagram stories.
Points & Leagues:
League 1“Number One League in the Group”:
Jax Taylor is back, and although he 100% told us in person, to our literal faces, that he would “be on every episode of Vanderpump Rules for the rest of the season”, we’ll take him where we can get him. The man belongs on television, and boy did he heat up the storied rivalry between Mercury in Gatorade and The Least Extras. These two teams have been gunning for each other since day fucking one, so it was an absolute GIFT to get a full episode of Jax v. Katie. Unfortunately for The Least Extras, their nemesis won out this week, coming in 1st to their 4th, with a 30ish point split. Some of this is due to an exploit a power move by Merc’s, rallying family members, husbands, and even business entities, to vote in their favor for this week’s Podcast Awards. And it worked… their roster shared in 4 of the 5 awards! I can’t fault anyone for playing a little dirty… especially when we’re down to the last two episodes and Merc’s main cast pick Sandoval has them constantly hemorrhaging points. In overall scoring, The Least Extrashave claimed 4th with a 15ish point split between a 6th place Mercury in Gatorade. The question is: will Jax be at Kyle Chan’s SF Whiskey party?? How many other Former Cast will be in attendance? And lastly… do either of these teams realize that Jax Taylor’s 4th Nose Jobis coming for both of them?
In other news, Brock straight up carried 3rd place Sexy Unique Teamname this week (who is still sitting pretty in 1st place overall). Not only did our favorite Aussie get his very own main cast storyline, he also had a public spat with his wife AND donned the pink leopard mankini! Points, points, points! He would’ve taken the STYLE category bonus if it weren’t for his wife, the one and only Scheana Shay. A star, indeed. Not only did she take home STYLE, she also nabbed the SCANDAL category – with not one, but TWO arguments, complete with point multipliers for fingers in face and a dramatic exit! IMPRESSIVE! Absolutely no one is happier about this news than Raqueltoni al Segretto, who not only came in 2nd this week’s episode, but is hot on Sexy Unique Teamname’s heels, just a mere 30ish points behind!! Trailing in 3rd in overall scoring by 80ish points, is the OG… The Pasta… who basically tied for last this episode. This team has done nothing but surprise me, and this coming week is no exception: Lindsey has informed me that she will be dropping the Ghost of Raquel Leviss in order to capitalize on points from the long-awaited appearance of Ariana’s boyfriend: Strong Dan! I truly can’t wait to see if drafting this guy pays off (and who picks up Ghost Raquel!).
Rounding out this league are COS👏MO👏POLI👏TANS! and C.U.Next.Tournament, both suffering from main cast picks whose point earning potential is dulled by their own bad choices. In some ways their commonality is no real wonder when you consider that Ariana and Schwartz were Sandoval’s innermost circle. Like… just imagine looking at Sandoval and thinking to yourself, “I should spend my life with this man” or “I should open a business with this man”. You wouldn’t, because you’re a sane person. These final two episodes will be crucial for both teams in what we know will be a dramatic finish to the season: no one is closer to the center of Scandoval than Ariana and Schwartz.
League 2 “Graham’s Next Daddies”:
Big week for Acid Dildo, who leads the episode, closing in on The Dead James Kennedy’s 3rd place overall finish. It’s AD’s Scheana/James vs. TDJK’s Sandoval/Lala … which is a VERY similar line up. But can either of them catch up to Pumptini! with the Katie/Schwartz/ALLY/JAX of it all?! If Jax is in San Fran with everyone next week, there’s no doubt this team will nab 2nd place for certain. Worms with Mustaches will likely take this entire game (even though she may not realize it!)
League 3 “Gamers Who Bravo”:
What a fucking WEEK for The Pill Poppers who earned 221 points, setting a NEW RECORD for the most points gained in a single episode, not to mention being the first team to hit 1500 in overall scoring!! PUMPTINI’S ALL AROUND!! In stark contrast, G.O.A.T. Cheese Ballsholds the lowest score across all of the 4-team leagues, and has yet to break 1000 points…. Teara, I want Lance Bass to show up for you more than anything else. Will The Golden Nugget?? catch The PP’s?? Will The James Kennedy Experiment finally capitalize on those Strong Dan Wei points??
Strong Dan shades Ariana’s for bein messy af “uhhhh… i would need like 4 days for that”
-2
POW
Editor shade, messsyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy room
2
STY
Workout at home
1
STY
Fashion: matching royal blue workout set
7
POW
Invited (3) to Jax/James brunch at Sur (4)
1
STY
Soft brown matching set SUR Brunch lewk
1
POW
Jax is shaded by Lala, Katie, Ariana, Ally, Scheana (each will receive 1 point of the 4) laughing in his face at his claim that he isn’t a gossiper
2
POW
Ariana shades Sandoval “once i get what is rightfully mine, i don’t really give af – it can be the mojo dojo casa house until the dawn of the next century”
3
POW
Invited to james’ pool party
2
POW
Scheana and Ariana shades Jax “everytime jax tells you he’s dad, drink”, “oh we’re gonna be fucked up”
4
POW
Ariana shades Sandoval and Schwartz “this is probably the most expensive bromance in history”
Jax shades Katie “Is she that pissed off where she can’t fuck any more of her ex-husband’s friends so she has to like, come after me? Cuz she can’t fuck me, or what?”
2
POW
Katie shades Schwartz’s hair with disgusted look and “why…?”
2
POW
Katie shades Schwartz “you just wanted to have a hair glow up because i had a hair glow up”
7
POW
Invited (3) to Jax/James brunch at Sur (4)
1
STY
Giving her fash points for the socks
2
POW
Katie shades Schwartz “how many terry cloth shirts do you own now?”
1
STY
Drinks
2
POW
Katie shades Jax “i’m not a fan of jax taylor. whenever somebody has to talk about how much they’ve changed or just trying to sell themselves to be something, the less of that they are”
1
POW
Jax is shaded by Lala, Katie, Ariana, Ally, Scheana (each will receive 1 point of the 4) laughing in his face at his claim that he isn’t a gossiper
1
STY
Drinks
3
POW
Invited to james’ pool party
2
SCA
Spreads Jax cheating on Brittany rumor in confesh
2
POW
Katie shades Jax “the man doesn’t know how the internet works”
1
STY
Drinks
5
SCA
Katie / Jax argument by pool
2
POW
Katie shades Jax “I mean, I feel bad about Brittany but like her husband… he’s a disgusting pig”
Jax shades LVP “I’m not gonna bow down to her.. what, because you own a few restaurants in Hollywood? Come on” god he’s such a dick lol
3
POW
Promotion: shooting at SUR
7
POW
Promoting SUR Brunch (3) At SUR (4)
1
STY
Restaurateur brunch lewk, blazer, gold chain
-4
POW
Jax shades LVP on her point on show “just to be there, i think she’s a prop at this point” extra shitty and savage, bites hand that fed him
2
POW
LVP shades Jax “Can I sit down?” “If you have to”… and “I don’t even really want you to be here”
7
SCA
Jax apologizes to LVP for calling her unnecessary +1 witness James, bonus “i’m sorry” stated +1
4
POW
LVP shades Jax “I could’ve hit back in the press and said the only person that wasn’t needed on the show, was you. I could’ve said that, but I didn’t” bonus savage x2
2
POW
LVP shades Jax “I kinda love you but you’re really fucking annoying”
+3 Stassi Award, Schwartz / Sandoval split: “It’s a nice, respectable house – I already have a soda gun, beer taps, everything!” // “You have a soda gun?!?” // “YES!”
1
STY
Fashion: 70’s porn vibes
3
POW
invited to kyle chan SF whiskey event in new footage flashback
-2
POW
Schwartz shades Sandoval “the last high stakes business venture i did with sandoval…oooof, you know… it’s still kinda haunting me to this day”
-2
POW
Editor SHADE, plays Apples “that’s Karma” right after he falls out of that chair
3
POW
Wearing own merch – tomtom hat
7
POW
Invited (3) to Jax/James brunch at Sur (4)
1
STY
70’s wannabe assistant craig SUR brunch lewk
-2
POW
Lala shades Sandoval by imitating him asking schwartz to move in
-2
POW
Ariana shades Sandoval “once i get what is rightfully mine, i don’t really give af – it can be the mojo dojo casa house until the dawn of the next century”
-2
POW
Ariana shades Sandoval and Schwartz “this is probably the most expensive bromance in history”
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Sandoval / Hippie at pool party
3
SCA
james, schwartz, kyle being nice to him in episode x3
2
POW
Sandoval shades scheana “it’s like you were 100x more reactive than ariana was. you were not involved in this, you did not get cheated on. she did not fuck brock… you know what i mean?”
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel at pool party
5
SCA
Scheana / Sandoval argument
1
SCA
Gaslighting “it’s like if i stepped on kyle’s shoes and he burned my house down”
4
POW
Sandoval shades Scheana “Fuck dude, you’ve been the other woman in a relationship” x2 bonus
-3
SCA
Fingers in FACE!!!!! Scheana to Sandoval
-2
POW
Brock shades Sandoval “she was in her 20’s bro, you’re fucking 40.”
-2
POW
Katie shades Sandoval “he’s such a gross person”
-2
POW
Ariana shades Sandoval “he’s fucking trash”
1
SCA
Gaslighting – conflating scheana’s capitalizing of Apples song to his cheating / lying
invited to kyle chan SF whiskey event in new footage flashback
2
POW
Booked to sing good as gold at Kyle Chan sf whiskey party
3
POW
Apples song plays over episode
2
POW
Scheana shades Lala’s grey hairs “oooo… we’re just gonna have to get you some of that root stuff”
7
POW
Invited (3) to Jax/James brunch at Sur (4)
1
STY
SUR Brunch pink corset top with cute denim jeans that i want
1
POW
Jax is shaded by Lala, Katie, Ariana, Ally, Scheana (each will receive 1 point of the 4) laughing in his face at his claim that he isn’t a gossiper
3
POW
Invited to james’ pool party
2
POW
Scheana and Ariana shades Jax “everytime jax tells you he’s dad, drink”, “oh we’re gonna be fucked up”
1
STY
Drinks
5
SCA
Brock / Scheana argument by pool
3
STY
Cries
1
STY
Drinks
-2
POW
Sandoval shades scheana “it’s like you were 100x more reactive than ariana was. you were not involved in this, you did not get cheated on. she did not fuck brock… you know what i mean?”
-1
SCA
Haunted by Raquel at pool party
5
SCA
Scheana / Sandoval argument
-4
POW
Sandoval shades Scheana “Fuck dude, you’ve been the other woman in a relationship” x2 what the fuck man
3
SCA
Fingers in FACE!!!!! to Sandoval
5
POW
Dramatic exit, storms out
10
SCA
Scheana apologizes (3) to Ally for yelling in her house +7 witnesses: Sandoval, Friends (kyle), brock, lala, ariana, katie, james
+3 Stassi Award, Schwartz / Sandoval split: “It’s a nice, respectable house – I already have a soda gun, beer taps, everything!” // “You have a soda gun?!?” // “YES!”
-2
POW
Katie shades Schwartz’s hair with disgusted look and “why…?”
-2
POW
Katie shades Schwartz “you just wanted to have a hair glow up because i had a hair glow up”
-1
STY
Fashion: … what in the mid life crisis is happening
3
STY
Gets Gordo and Butters tattoo
3
POW
invited to kyle chan SF whiskey event in new footage flashback
2
POW
Schwartz shades Sandoval “the last high stakes business venture i did with sandoval…oooof, you know… it’s still kinda haunting me to this day”
7
POW
Invited (3) to Jax/James brunch at Sur (4)
-1
STY
The Ken lewk is a hot mess
-2
POW
Katie shades Schwartz “how many terry cloth shirts do you own now?”
8
POW
Scene in the SUR back alley
-2
POW
Jax shades Schwartz “you guys gonna get married? that’s the only thing you have left to do”
3
POW
Invited to james’ pool party
1
STY
Drinks
-2
POW
Ariana shades Sandoval and Schwartz “this is probably the most expensive bromance in history”
Assistant Craig is a whole vibe, he is effortlessly what Sandoval wishes he were and i’m giving him an extra point for it. Almost like a power move for style.
+5 Vail Award: to Kyle Chan for just standing there drinking in his front row seats, doing basically nothing while Scheana and Sandoval (and eventually entire gang) got into a giant argument
1
POW
Appears at Bodega: Luke
1
STY
Cool guy Luke has cool guy lewk
1
POW
Appears in flashback with Scheana wedding secret
2
POW
Full name “kyle chan” by sandoval
3
POW
Promoting business: new footage flashback inside kyle chan’s store
3
POW
kyle chan announces he is hosting a whiskey event in SF and invites the gang
2
POW
Collaboration w/ Scheana Good as Gold at Whiskey event, Kyle Chan
4
POW
appears (1) invited to kyle chan SF whiskey event in new footage flashback (3) – lala’s logan
4
POW
appears (1) invited to kyle chan SF whiskey event in new footage flashback (3) – jesse
1
STY
Fashion: kyle chan lookin stylish in new footage flashback at his store
3
POW
Promotion: Kyle Chan Whiskey
1
POW
Appears in flashback: Kristina Kelly
4
POW
Appears (1) Invited (3) to James pool party kyle chan
+3 Kristen Award (split with Former Cast): Brittany and Jax “officially trying” to have another child
1
POW
Appears at James / Ally house
2
POW
Jax shades James / Ally for the airplane
2
POW
“Jaxxy Boy” by James
2
POW
Appears in flashback COS-MO-POLI-TANS! PUMPTINI!
6
POW
Jax / James host SUR Brunch together
2
POW
Brunch promotion flyer james / jax
-2
POW
James shades Jax “He misses SUR. He’s like the Dad like ‘get me back in the ring!'”
2
POW
Jax shades Katie “Is she that pissed off where she can’t fuck any more of her ex-husband’s friends so she has to like, come after me? Cuz she can’t fuck me, or what?”
-2
POW
“I hope Jax isn’t cheating on Brittany. Let’s face it, Jax Taylor has a checkered past”, along with editor shade
1
POW
Appears in flashback with Brittany
-2
POW
James shades Jax “If both are on a side, and they’re both tellin me something… I gotta go with Katie, you know, out of like… history and trust”
2
STY
Sport! shootin hoops, Jax &\ James
1
POW
Appears in flashback with LVP
2
POW
Jax shades LVP “I’m not gonna bow down to her.. what, because you own a few restaurants in Hollywood? Come on” god he’s such a dick lol
4
POW
Full name said twice by LVP
4
POW
Jax shades LVP on her point on show “just to be there, i think she’s a prop at this point” extra shitty and savage
1
POW
Appears in flashback 2013, 2015, 2018
5
POW
Appears (1) at SUR Brunch (4)
1
STY
Stylish brunch lewk
-2
POW
LVP shades Jax “Can I sit down?” “If you have to”… and “I don’t even really want you to be here”
5
SCA
Jax apologizes (3) to LVP for calling her unnecessary +1 witness James, bonus “i’m sorry” stated +1
-4
POW
LVP shades Jax “I could’ve hit back in the press and said the only person that wasn’t needed on the show, was you. I could’ve said that, but I didn’t” bonus savage x2
-2
POW
LVP shades Jax “I kinda love you but you’re really fucking annoying”
4
POW
Performs for SUR Brunch crowd
2
POW
Nickname “jaxy” by Lala
2
POW
Full name by Katie
-2
POW
Katie shades Jax “i’m not a fan of jax taylor. whenever somebody has to talk about how much they’ve changed or just trying to sell themselves to be something, the less of that they are”
-5
POW
Jax is shaded by Lala, Katie, Ariana, Ally, Scheana (each will receive 1 point of the 5) laughing in his face at his claim that he isn’t a gossiper
5
SCA
Starts rumor that Schwartz is moving in with Sandoval
-2
POW
Shaded by editors “4 minutes earlier” learning gossip
8
POW
Scene in the SUR back alley
2
POW
Jax shades Schwartz “you guys gonna get married? that’s the only thing you have left to do”