+20 extra bonus points are awarded each week on the pod!
+5 Stassi Award, Best Line:
Schwartz / Sandoval split +3 each:
Schwartz “No dude, they’re gonna make voodoo dolls of us.” Sandoval “Dude. They already DID.”
+5 Kristen Award, Most Unhinged Behavior:
Sandoval for all of his behavior this episode, but mostly for that leg knife.
+5 Laura Leigh Award, Took the Most Shit:
Ghost of Raquel
+5 Vail Award, Best Background Acting:
Logan for having no business being in that LVP / Tom’s scene, and reporting back to Ariana
+5 MVP, For Doing the Most:
Ghost of Raquel: the entire episode is centered around her
Notes:
Assistants: Ann will be joined by all assistants, including Craig, Jessica, etc.
Promotionpoints: Changed all self promotion to only be the one doing the promoting (i.e. Ken no longer gets passive points for promoting a restaurant if he is not present, or only Schwartz gets points for wearing his restaurant merch)
#1 League in the Group Redraft Order:
Mercury in Gatorade, 501 (will also receive Lance Bass Bonus)
2. COS👏MO👏POLI👏TANS!, 504
3. C.U.Next.Tournament, 533
4. The Least Extras, 549
5. Jax Taylor’s 4th Nose Job, 553
6. The Pasta, 597
7. Raqueltoni al Segretto, 627
8. Sexy Unique Teamname, 675
Points & Leagues:
League 1“#1 League in the Group”:
BREAKING NEWS: IT *IS* ABOUT THE PASTA!! After bottoming out just a week ago, both of our pasta-based teams threw all their noodles at the leaderboard and they all fucking stuck! Raqueltoni al Segretto must have listened to the pod last week for that hot tip in recruiting Paid Friends, because their team (rounded out with Scheana and Family) was on FIRE. So much so, that they set a new league record with 172 points (the most points earned in one single episode!) and has massively closed in on that first place finish with Sexy Unique Teamname just a mere 50 points ahead. Not to be outdone, THE Pasta, came in 2nd this week with 110, thanks to both LVP and Ghost Raquel working overtime for a non-existent Strong Dan. Other notable moments come from DJ James Kennedy delivering a barrage of L’s straight to Sandoval’s face, and keeping Jax Taylor’s 4th Nose Jobin healthy contention for 2nd or 3rd. Finally crossing 500 points this week are COS👏MO👏POLI👏TANS! and Mercury in Gatoradewho are both struggling in the Sandoval / Ariana paradox – for as many points as they both put on the board, they are just as easily taken away with shade. But again, do not lose hope (at least not yet). COSMO’s: Ariana is promised at least one scene with Strong Dan and I think Jo is back for the finale (??) and the reunion FOR SURE… and Merc’s: Jax is back next episode and your nemesis The Least Extras should be very afraid (I foresee another major point shift sending them straight to the bottom!). Re: C.U.Next.Tournament, stay the course. Between Schwartz’s merch wearing to Ally’s astrology, I think you guys have a solid chance at 2nd or 3rd place.
League 2 “Graham’s Next Daddies”:
As always, Worms with Mustaches is in the lead! 2nd place is gonna be a toss up for sure between Pumptini! and The Dead James Kennedy’s, but I am pulling for Acid Dildo because I think she’s the only one who reads this blog!
League 3 “Gamers Who Bravo”:
Oh how things have HEATED UP! First place is nearly TIED between Pill Poppers and The Golden Nugget??, separated by just 4 points! The Nugs have a silver bullet with Andy Cohen / Bravolebs in their stable, but we’ll see how they hold up in these last few episodes. The question is… will The James Kennedy Experiment be able to make up 100 points in that time to become an actual contender again. One thing is for certain: G.O.A.T. Cheese Balls has utterly lost this season lol sorry
I am forever attracted to a man in jeans and a white t-shirt
2
POW
Offered El Ray gig with Sandoval and Most Extras
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts James, Sandoval, Hippie
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts James in confessional
-4
POW
Sandoval shades James “she only asked you to stop drinking because she knew you wouldn’t be able to do it” extra shady bonus
4
POW
James shades Sandoval “she also said on the podcast that she was never in love with you and got with you because she wasn’t quite over me” x2, bonus points, savage
4
POW
James shades Sandoval and Raquel “I don’t believe you guys were ever in love, I think it was a fuckfest for 6 months. You would get horny – extra horny – because you weren’t gettin it from Ariana so you’d like go downstairs and get your willy sucked by Raquel” extra shady bonus
2
POW
James shades Sandoval “you’re a liar tho, Tom, you’re a liar. I mean, that’s just the facts, tho!”
2
POW
James shades Sandoval “It’s not the facts! It’s your opinion, which are not facts.” James “Well it’s her opinion too, she said it”
2
POW
James shades Sandoval “It’s like your memory is broken. Rewrite history in your mind.” while pantomining rewriting in his mind lol
12
POW
James shades Sandoval AND The Most Extras AND Jason (separate) “Have fun with your fuckin band. I’m not openin for you at the fuckin’ El Rey, I’ve moved onto bigger and better things. This is a joke to me. Alright. I gotta go. Bye.” x2 for each, extra funny
2
POW
Power Move! Declines El Rey gig
3
POW
Exits due to drama
4
POW
James shades Sandoval “I’m just waitin for him to like get a clue. Or maybe he never will. I can see it now, he’s like 75 still at the rock and roll bar on sunset doing karaoke, like BOOM, dick flute comin out the pocket! ‘I used to play this on national television!'” x2 hilarious
3
SCA
Heated moment James / Sandoval for dj / laptop comment
2
POW
Power Move! James laughs in the face of Sandoval’s shitty bait laptop dj comment, then leaves.
+5 Kristen Award: For pretty much the entire episode, but mostly for that leg knife
+3 Stassi Award: Schwartz / Sandoval Split “No dude, they’re gonna make voodoo dolls of us.” Dude. They already DID.”
-2
POW
Editor shade – very filthy house
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts the Tom’s
-3
STY
Fake cries… or at least crying for other reasons.
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Tom in confessional
2
SCA
Sandoval defended / supported by both Logan and Schwartz
1
STY
Stylish summer black button down with gold leaves
2
POW
Power Move: shows up an hour late, doesn’t care
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts LVP, Schwartz, Sandoval and Logan
3
SCA
Sandoval / LVP heated moment, raised voices
1
SCA
LVP supports Sandoval in confessional
3
POW
LVP advises Sandoval to not listen to podcast
3
POW
LVP advises Sandoval to sell the house
-2
POW
Editor shade – very filthy house, again
-2
POW
Scheana shades Raquel and Sandoval in song “from a ferrari to a Jetta, thought that you’d know better”
-2
POW
Editor shade through the years 2014 – 2018 of very gross messy house
3
POW
Wears own merch: Dipped Out shirt
3
POW
Promoting Tom Sandoval & The Most Extras
1
POW
Sings…?
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts James, Sandoval, Hippie
2
POW
Sandoval shades Raquel “selfish” etc
1
SCA
Gaslighting / Trauma Bonding / Manipulating in this convo with James (or at least trying to)
4
POW
Sandoval shades James “she only asked you to stop drinking because she knew you wouldn’t be able to do it” extra shady bonus
-4
POW
James shades Sandoval “she also said on the podcast that she was never in love with you and got with you because she wasn’t quite over me” x2, bonus points, savage
-4
POW
James shades Sandoval and Raquel “I don’t believe you guys were ever in love, I think it was a fuckfest for 6 months. You would get horny – extra horny – because you weren’t gettin it from Ariana so you’d like go downstairs and get your willy sucked by Raquel” extra shady bonus
-2
POW
James shades Sandoval “you’re a liar tho, Tom, you’re a liar. I mean, that’s just the facts, tho!”
-2
POW
James shades Sandoval “It’s not the facts! It’s your opinion, which are not facts.” James “Well it’s her opinion too, she said it”
-2
POW
James shades Sandoval “It’s like your memory is broken. Rewrite history in your mind.” while pantomining rewriting in his brain
-4
POW
James shades Sandoval AND The Most Extras AND Jason (separate) “Have fun with your fuckin band. I’m not openin for you at the fuckin’ El Rey, I’ve moved onto bigger and better things. This is a joke to me. Alright. I gotta go. Bye.” x2 for each, extra funny
3
SCA
The Most Extras and Jason and Craig being nice to and supporting Tom Sandoval
-2
POW
Power Move! James declines El Rey gig
-4
POW
James shades Sandoval “I can see it now, he’s like 75 still at the rock and roll bar on sunset doing karaoke, like BOOM, dick flute comin out the pocket! ‘I used to play this on national television!'” x2 hilarious
3
SCA
Heated moment James / Sandoval for dj / laptop
-2
POW
Power Move! James laughs in the face of Sandoval’s shitty bait laptop dj comment, then leaves.
-2
STY
For having a weird knife strapped to his leg while also looking through a creepy kalidescope
-2
POW
Schwartz shades Sandoval and Craig “you’re matching?! Are you guys a duo now?”
2
SCA
Scandalous, manipulative proposition to Schwartz to move in… there’s no real point category for this, but it’s so insane I have to give him points
2
POW
Sandoval shades Lala’s sperm donor party “jizz fest”
6
POW
Hosting 1st TomTom Brunch
7
POW
At TomTom (4) promoting brunch (3)
-1
STY
women’s casual suit and black tote bag
6
SCA
James apology to Sandoval (5), witness Schwartz (1)
1
SCA
Trying to manipulate Schwartz again into house
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Tom Tom and Scheana
-2
POW
Power Move! Scheana releases a song about Scandoval and tells Sandoval about it to his face
5
POW
Storms out due to apples song drama
1
SCA
Gaslighting in end confesh about how he is the victim
Scheana and 27’s promoting biz (3) filming music video for Good as Gold screamo (event points, 6)
2
POW
Scheana shades and imitates Katie for being in her “death bed, waaah”
3
POW
Good as Gold Screamo version plays over episode
1
POW
Singing / lipsyncing Good as Gold
2
STY
Bangin’ gold sequin jumpsuit, extra points
1
STY
New confesh lewk – pink dress, pretty color on her
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Ariana, Lala, Scheana at video shoot
3
POW
VPR Catch Phrase “Good as Gold”
-2
POW
Raquel shades Sheana in podcast “savoir complex”
4
POW
Scheana slam shades Raquel for bonus points “bitch you contributed $1000 to my $4300 rent, you don’t pay for parking, you didn’t pay for cable, didn’t even stock toilet paper AND HAD SEX IN MY BED”
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Ariana, Scheana, Brock, Mya at home
3
SCA
Heated moment / raised voice re: Raquel podcast
2
POW
Brock / Scheana shading Raquel “Part 4: How do you like them apples?”
4
POW
Scheana and 27’s release new song “apples”
1
POW
Singing Apples in new 2 weeks earlier scene
4
POW
Scheana shades Raquel and Sandoval in song “from a ferrari to a Jetta, thought that you’d know better”
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts in new 2 weeks earlier scene as lyrics in Apples song: Scheana, Lisa, Summer Moon
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Scheana in confessional
2
POW
Scheana shades Ariana “this has been here since Christmas?… it’s August.”
2
POW
Scheana shades Brock “I clean up after him everyday, Sandoval is no different”
3
POW
Promos biz – podcast clip and key art with Raquel
6
POW
Invited to sperm party (3) at Villa Rosa (3)
1
STY
Cute white lace corset / jeans
7
POW
Invited to (3) TomTom Brunch (4)
1
STY
Cute white print summer brunch dress
7
POW
Releases (4) and promotes (3) new song APPLES! playing over episode and talked about
-1
SCA
Raquel haunts Tom Tom and Scheana
2
POW
Power Move! Scheana releases a song about Scandoval and tells Sandoval about it to his face
Ann does not appear… but seeing this home in utter wreckage when she was the assistant and not the housekeeper? I give her bonus points for putting up with this shit for as long as she did.
+5 MVP Award: episode centered around her pod with Bethenny
+3 Bonus, Scandal category leader
4
POW
Releases 1st of a 3 part podcast with Bethenny Frankel
3
SCA
Raquel haunts James / Ally / Hippie at home
3
SCA
Raquel haunts Ariana, Lala, Scheana at video shoot
1
SCA
Raquel haunts Ariana in confessional
-2
POW
Ariana shades Raquel in confessional
1
POW
Appears in flashback campsite
1
STY
Receives gift sunglasses in flashback
1
POW
Appears in flashback confessional
2
POW
Ghost Raquel shades Sheana in podcast “savoir complex”
-4
POW
Scheana slam shades Raquel for bonus points “bitch you contributed $1000 to my $4300 rent, you don’t pay for parking, you didn’t pay for cable, you didn’t even stock toilet paper AND YOU HAD SEX IN MY BED”
1
POW
Appears in flashback, reunion
2
SCA
Raquel haunts the Tom’s
1
SCA
Raquel haunts Tom in confessional
4
SCA
Raquel haunts LVP, Schwartz, Sandoval and Logan
1
SCA
Raquel haunts LVP in confessional
-2
POW
LVP shades Raquel “what could raquel possibly say that is going to make anybody look at her in a better light?”
4
SCA
Raquel haunts Ariana, Scheana, Brock, Mya at home
-2
POW
Brock / Scheana shading Raquel “Part 4: How do you like them apples?”
-2
POW
Scheana shades Raquel and Sandoval in song “from a ferrari to a Jetta, thought that you’d know better”
3
SCA
Raquel haunts in new 2 weeks earlier scene as lyrics in Apples song: Scheana, Lisa, Summer Moon
1
SCA
Raquel haunts Scheana in confessional
3
SCA
Raquel haunts James, Sandoval, Hippie
1
SCA
Raquel haunts James in confessional
1
POW
Appears in audio clip / Scheana podcast re: James
-2
POW
Sandoval shades Raquel for being selfish etc
1
POW
Appears in flashback 2019 with James / drinking
-2
POW
James shades Sandoval and Raquel “I don’t believe you guys were ever in love, I think it was a fuckfest for 6 months. You would get horny – extra horny – because you weren’t gettin it from Ariana so you’d like go downstairs and get your willy sucked by Raquel”
Singer girl from most extras has cool black fringe jacket
1
POW
Appears: assistant Craig at band rehearsal
1
STY
Assistant Craig is stylish, what can I say
-4
POW
James shades Sandoval AND The Most Extras AND Jason (separate) “Have fun with your fuckin band. I’m not openin for you at the fuckin’ El Rey, I’ve moved onto bigger and better things. This is a joke to me. Alright. I gotta go. Bye.” x2 for each, extra funny – Jason
-4
POW
James shades Sandoval AND The Most Extras AND Jason (separate) “Have fun with your fuckin band. I’m not openin for you at the fuckin’ El Rey, I’ve moved onto bigger and better things. This is a joke to me. Alright. I gotta go. Bye.” x2 for each, extra funny – Most Extras
-3
SCA
The Most Extras and Jason and Craig being nice to and supporting Tom Sandoval
7
POW
Appears (1) at Villa Rosa (3) to promote his sperm bank (3)! – Brian Sperm Bank Guy
1
POW
Appears at “work”, Craig
-2
POW
Schwartz shades Sandoval and Craig “you’re matching?! Are you guys a duo now?”
1
POW
Appears in new flashback, one year earlier at Schwartz & Sandy’s bar
7
POW
Appears (1) invited to sperm party (3) at Villa Rosa (3) – Lala’s Assistant, Jessica
5
POW
Appears (1) at TomTom (4) – Logan as TomTom Manager
7
POW
Releases (4) and promotes (3) new song APPLES! playing over episode and talked about