CAVIAR & HYPOCRITES

    underBlog

    EPISODE 6:

    “Behind Closed Pantry Doors”

    AWARDS:

    +5 BEST LINE:

    • Nia / Janet:
      • “I don’t know if I’ve ever had caviar.” “It’s like salty balls”.
      • Shared award splits in half, rounded up.

    +5 MOST UNHINGED:

    • Janet: For that truly diabolical, wildly passive aggressive, toxic, fake “you can lean on me” BS at that apology dinner. Extra unhinged for saying it after Nia was vulnerable.

    +5 TOOK MOST SHIT:

    • Nia: These biatches won’t leave her alone! Leave Nia alone!

    +5 MVP, FOR DOING THE MOST:

    • Jasmine. Begrudgingly giving this to her because she’s doing the most… but it’s boring.

    +5 LVP, FOR DOING THE LEAST:

    • Jax. Don’t worry Be worried, friends. He’s back next week.

    THOUGHTS:

    The great thing about shows on Bravo is that our personal opinions about these people are always in flux. One little comment or interaction can change everything. For instance, I liked Janet until this episode! And judging from the response online, Janet didn’t just bother me – this girl mass triggered every women who’s ever had a passive-aggressive, out-of-pocket friend (points on points!). Janet placed 2nd in overall scoring, just 1 point behind our episode winner: Nia. Both Janet and Nia also finished with a 3-way tie in the SCANDAL category with Jasmine.

    Here’s the thing… some amount of drama in marriage is normal, but toxicity is not. I can understand Brittany not understanding this, as Jax Taylor has been her only adult relationship. But Janet? Janet, who always wants to appear perfect with her perfect husband Jason, is trying to drag Nia and Danny for being … too perfect? As voice of reason Kristen Doute pointed out, Nia left her heart on the table (points!). She laid out what most people in healthy relationships can recognize: honesty, therapy, teamwork, gratitude and love. She even went the extra mile and shared her childhood experiences, which she owed exactly no one at that table. Although both Brittany and Jasmine apologized to Nia (points!), Jasmine clearly didn’t mean it (point loss!). And the irony should not be lost on anyone that these women literally blamed their poor behavior on alcohol. Although Nia’s vulnerability seemed to resonate with Brittany, neither Janet or Jasmine could relate. Leave Nia alone – we’re more interested in whatever y’all are hiding!!

    Outside of all that drama, we got the return of Scheana Shay, wearing big gold hoops and glam to hike Runyon with Michelle (points on points!). We saw Jesse’s dude-bro therapy sesh (points!) where he screamed into a pillow (more points!). AND we got a ring shopping friend date for Luke and Danny (pointsssss!), with a cameo by none other than Kyle Chan… who is apparently selling 7-carat diamond rings for $14k?? What’s that about?!

    Lastly… Jasmine. I would be remiss not to correct the utter nonsense she’s clamoring on about Danny’s career as a video game voice actor. Speaking from experience as a video game voice actor, game “efforts” (i.e. screaming, dying, etc) wrecks and exhausts the performers. There’s a reason we negotiated for breaks during efforts in our contracts. And I don’t have 3 kids. Just 3 cats, which is hard enough. So girl, sit down. You got the points for the shade, but you lost me.

    NOTES:

    A NOTE ON EPISODES THAT ARE “TO BE CONTINUED“: Scenes continued from last week will not get new points this episode if they were already scored last week (i.e. fashion, drinks in hand, etc.)